You might think it odd to have a man talk about gender equality, or more realistically, gender inequality. Even if I told you I were a feminist it would still be a little weird to think a man could possibly understand what it’s like to be a high aspiration woman in what is still a male dominated corporate hierarchy. You’d be right. I couldn’t possibly understand. It isn’t impossible for any man to experience and feel what continues to happen to women day in and day out when it comes to challenges associated with career ambitions or aspirations.

What I can share though is what I have seen and experienced. The glass is unfortunately more than half empty still when it comes to gender equality in the workplace. I’ve touched it, felt it and been angered by it. What I hope to provide is a solution that may be a little different from what you’ve heard before.

I’ve had the good fortune of being involved with many exciting challenges in my career. I owe many of my opportunities to circumstance; being in the right place at the right time and knowing the right people. I know that on at least some of those occasions, I owe my access to the opportunities to being a man.

I understood this from a relatively young age. In the 12th grade I ran for the position of President with the high-school Student Council. I had never held office before and, although I was popular, I has a job and worked many evenings and weekends and never really got too involved with school activities. I knew winning the election would be tough but I also knew I had an advantage. I ran my campaign much like the other 3 candidates – most of whom were “popular” and had hands-on experience on council. As a typical teenager, I put up posters and handed out cards. When it came to the candidate speeches though I added a twist. Like everyone else, I promised to listen to concerns and take action (right jab), I promised fun events (right jab), then, I ended it with a knockout left hook… I was clear about the fact that I was the only male candidate. There is no question in my mind that, at that time, that garnered me nearly 50% of the vote – with the remaining 50% to be distributed among the other 3 female candidates.

Was it the right thing to do? Probably not. Would it still work today? Probably. Here’s the funny thing though. I don’t think it would work nearly as well (today or back then) if all the candidates were male and only one candidate was female and she used her gender as a playing card. Men, alone, stand tall. Women, alone, just stand alone.

Since this is generally a blog about top performers getting promotions they deserve, how do women get the recognition they deserve – regardless of their gender? There continues to be a very real glass ceiling and what follows is one man’s advice on what to do about it in what is still an entitled man’s world.

First, it’s important to point out that many large organizations, banking in particular, understand the male bias issue and want to do something about it, but in my opinion, they just don’t know what to do. They know they are missing out on 50% or the high-end candidates and the company could be better if they were truly impartial. They know it’s broken, they want to fix it, but they don’t know how. The right intention isn’t enough.

One of the places I worked was particularly out of sorts. In the spirit of confidentiality, I won’t name names. The organization had slogans and mission statement points about “equality” but they had no idea how to walk the talk. Here are a series of events that occurred in this one place. You can decide for yourself it they “got it” or if they were just going through the motions.

The people that worked outside the office were called “the men in the field” – even though there were a few women. The administrative people were called “the girls in the office”. Aside from labelling the few outside women as “men” and the few inside men as “girls”, there is a child vs adult dynamic in the naming convention. The female workers are “girls” and the male workers are “men”. It may surprise you that this language continues today. They just don’t get it.

Same company: On my first day of the job, I was with the male VP of HR going through the customary first-day administration paperwork and orientation. One of the female assistants came in to deliver something. She was wearing a form fitting sweater. His words as he looked her up and down: “nice sweater”. When she came in again 15 minutes later, he used the words again, “nice sweater”. This is the VP of HR speaking to a subordinate. I should have walked out right then and there.

Same company: I was in the boardroom as we were getting ready for a meeting. There was an external senior consultant in the room. As an organization, we were paying him a lot of money every year to lead our management team through strategy sessions. As we waited for others to arrive, there were 5 executives in the room, one of whom was female. To cajole and pass the time before the meeting, the external consultant decided it was appropriate to tell a “dumb blonde” joke. To which all the executives laughed wholeheartedly – with the exception of me and the woman. This company was in trouble and they didn’t even know it. Regardless of their equality posters and mission statements, they were doomed to daftness. There was one male field person who sent out the “joke of the day” by email. He was pretty good at it. One day, his joke was about a Texas woman and her envy for large diamond ring. I noted the inappropriateness to the CEO. He didn’t see anything wrong with it. I asked if the punchline was about women or Texans. He still didn’t get it.

The purpose of these examples is simply to point out that, many companies, although they know they have a problem, are like a deer in the headlights and they don’t know how to fix it.

Unfortunately, it may be another 50 or 60 years before this gets corrected. The challenge is for women to navigate this bias today.

Here’s what isn’t working:
When women are passed up for promotions, they may choose to seek advice to help prepare them for the next opportunity. What can they do differently? What things can they learn? How can they improve?
The typical advice they receive is behavioural. How they need to “get along” and “play nice”. How they need to control their assertiveness, as in men this is perceived as assertion but in women, this is perceived as aggression. They need to be empathetic but not overly so as this can be perceived as a feminine and a sign of weakness. They need to work hard and “fit in” with the guys.

Here’s how that needs to change:
When the same missed promotion opportunity happens to a man, and they choose to seek advice to help prepare them for the next opportunity, they get a completely different set of advice. They aren’t counselled on behaviour, they are counselled on hard skills. Know the company. Understand the business. Understand the competition. Know your numbers. Present solutions. Create strategy.

Women aren’t not getting promotions because they aren’t capable, they aren’t getting promotions because the advice they are getting is all wrong.

If you are a woman reading this, and you consistently achieve great results and you continue to get bypassed for opportunities, stop taking the “play nice with others” advice and start taking the advice that is given to men in the same situation. Know what is broken and explain how to fix it – end of story.

This doesn’t fix the root of the problem, but it might get you the promotion you deserve.